Its Okay To Have Limits

Sometimes I like to think of myself as a superhero. Someone with no limits who can literally do whatever they set their mind to when they set their mind to it. But that is not the truth, not for anyone, especially someone with a chronic illness. So when I set out this summer to do an intensive Jewish text study program, I was in superman mode. I thought I could do the program, make all my doctors appointments, dogsit for my parents, and still have time to relax and hang out with friends. Boy was I wrong. By the second week I was already skipping class because I was too drained and sick to even move. I had other committments that called like work, and doctors. This week was the worst because I was undergoing intensive medical testing and had to be at the hospital for long periods of time. I am not feeling well now and I havent been following my diet which isnt good. I know I had this coming. Its why I decided to scale back my time in the program so that I have enough time to be a somewhat functional person when I am there. However, this whole thing has got me thinking very hard about my future. I graduate from college next year. What happens after that? Will I be able to work full time? How will my health be? Will I be able to be independent? Where will I live? Will I ever be able to persue grad (rabbinical school)? Alot of my tentative answers to these questions seem to be negative and that scares me. I sit here tonight hoping for some radical treatment innovation that will help me to live a fuller life independently and stablely. I dont want to have to depend on my parents or a partner, and I want to be able to go out and do what I want when I want. Heres to knowing that these limits exist and hoping that they wont always have to.

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