Slam-Disabled & Trans. EDS Awareness Week Day 1

I live in a chair.

It is blue, and red, and black

like all inanimate objects it does not have a gender.

But when I live in it, I do.

I am a man.

A man in a chair.

A man who wears makeup and skirts with ridiculous hair.

I roll across floors and rush down hills.

On Monday after class I was in the hospital.

Food is beginning to become a problem for me.

And the admitting nurse asked me “Gender?”

I am a man. But I have estrogen.

My genetically altered body will not allow the male hormones in for fear of complete breakdown.

I am a man who lives in a medicalized, binary, walled world.

Sometimes in my pain I scream and roar. I worry that masculinity is getting the best of me.

I live in a chair especially made for me.

Made for my non conforming self.

My body is hard to feel comfortable with. In a chair. With breasts. With a voice as high as my mom on a hot california day. And sometimes an IV attached to me. With pills and fluids and tubes.
Its hard not to imagine myself broken.

But I am strong.

I know who I am.

And I will not stop until everyone else does too.

Until everyone sees me as more than a person who lives in a chair.

 

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